Time Out from the Full Circle Journey

Tags

American Jews, Berlin, German citizenship, German Jews, Jewish identity

The opportunity to contribute a column to The Jewish Daily Forward came up during my three-week summer interlude in Bozeman.  I emerged from jet lag to the realization that my little home office was an excellent vantage point to reflect on all that I had embraced and struggled with over the past year.  There was too much to squeeze into my 900 word allotment, but I packed in what I could.  My overwhelming sense is that the past year’s mental and emotional journey took place in a parallel time span where a day equalled a week or even a month.  I want to go back to Germany to continue this journey, but I am so relieved to hit the Pause button from my peaceful perch in the Rockies.

The Forward column is about how I have been able to tie together some of the loose strands of my identity while living in Germany.  I sent the column in two weeks ago but have yet to be given a publication date.  Perhaps they’ve changed their mind and I’ll pitch the column elsewhere or just post it here.  I’ve begun to experience the frustrations of being a rookie journalist, but I will keep writing.  And in a few days I will be back in Berlin, ready to experience life as an immigrant in a country that beckons and stimulates me, and helps me to uncover parts of who I am.

Here is a link to the essay I published online last month about the long road towards my German citizenship: http://jewishwritingproject.wordpress.com/2011/07/18/reclaiming-my-german-citizenship/. I tried to call the German Consulate in San Francisco yesterday to solicit their help in getting me through the final stage of the application process.  I gave up after being put on hold and then getting disconnected twice.  Maybe I will have better luck today.

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A Year of Blogging

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American Jews, Berlin, diaspora, German citizenship, German Jews, Holocaust, Jewish identity

My first blog post was just about one year ago.  Now the school year is drawing to a close which means I will have less time for writing and reflection over the summer.  This blog has helped me to chronicle and process the incredible experience we’ve had as “a German American Jewish family in Berlin.” 

The bumpy path towards my German citizenship, an expansion of my Jewish identity, and discoveries about both my ancestors and living relatives have stimulated my life enough to shake me out of the mid-life malaise I was in back in Bozeman.  I haven’t shared all the emotional highs and lows of the past year: the fresh grief over the loss of my father (a quintessentially German Jewish man), the pain upon seeing the photo of a family member who perished during the Holocaust, the guilt and anxiety about how our choices have affected others.  I’ve spent days on end gripped with an angst that never found its way into my writing.  The moments of joy have been no less difficult for me to capture with words, what it feels like to find a cousin who needed you before you knew her, or to see your son put on your father’s bar mitzvah tallit for the first time.

I plan to keep writing and hope to develop and publish some of the thoughts I’ve recorded  in this personal forum.  I’ve just had a piece accepted for publication on a writer’s blog and will provide the link when it appears later this summer. I appreciate all of the comments I receive from readers (most come via email) and find a lot of support and inspiration from them.

Olivia, Sam and I went to Vienna last weekend to see our new-found cousins (see  Shrinking the Family Diaspora) once more before they move back to Israel.  The coincidence of our families living in Europe at the same time has been one of the best gifts of the past year, one that will sweeten and enrich our lives for years to come.  Now I am looking forward to the next trip, back to Bozeman for three weeks this summer.

Still Finding Myself……

Tags

American Jews, Berlin, Germany, Jewish identity

What brings the descendant of someone who fled or survived the Holocaust back to the land on which it took place?  What do those of us who have made this journey expect to find once we are here? The fabric of any individual’s identity is made up of so many threads that any one can be easily overlooked in crafting a life. To go back and pick up a lost or errant thread may be what those of us on this journey have in common. To discover something about ourselves that has always been there but that we could not see.

Sitting in a cafe yesterday with two new friends who come from German Jewish families and have reclaimed their German citizenship gave me the beginnings of a new sense of community.  Our personal stories were different, but we all shared a common background and an eagerness to somehow link our lives with our heritage.  Most Americans at some point in their lives want to explore their roots. For me it is not just about understanding the past, but also understanding myself.  Regardless of how long our family resides in Germany, the time we spend here helps me to feel whole. 

While the past beckons and I pursue various efforts to delve into family history, I am still most interested in Jewish life in Germany today.  Although a trip to almost any of Berlin’s synagogues (or even a Jewish book store or community center), means passing through the watchful eyes and security measures of the Polizei, there is a thriving Jewish community in Berlin.  We have taken our first steps into this community by attending services at Ohel Hachidusch, a Jewish Renewal congregation that has welcomed us with open arms and where services are conducted in a mixture of Hebrew, German, and English.  We plan to also visit a few of Berlin’s other non-Orthodox synagogues and I hope to share our experiences on this blog.